Rod Miller: The Big Empty Needs One Good Lawless County

Some of us Wyomingites take our independent streak to an extreme. We cuss government up one side and down the other, to the point that it sometimes seems we’d just rather do without pesky government intruding on our lives at all. 

I was reminded of this fact when I read that the Laramie County Commission is thinking about some zoning changes in rural parts of the county.  Naturally, some rural residents responded by calling the proposal a gub’mint “land grab.”

And who can blame them? For some folks, the American Dream means living on a ten-acre booger farm with a dozen dead cars in the yard, mangy dogs and cats wandering around their “ranch,” and a dilapidated garage where they can earn a few bucks repairing lawnmowers and cookin’ meth. 

But problems arise in paradise when neighbors start to complain about the smell from the dead goats, and the sight of the starving horse tethered to the clothesline. Then, here comes the government and townfolks with some new rules and regulations, saying “no.”

Didn’t we fight a revolution to free ourselves from this tyranny?

A couple years ago, with tongue firmly in cheek, I wrote about starting a new, break-away county in Wyoming. Maybe it’s time to dust off that idea and pull the trigger.

Now might be the perfect moment to carve out a 24th county in Wyoming; a county without laws or government, and where free people can do what they damn well please. 

Imagine! We could name it Alabama County, to let the snowflakes know they aren’t welcome there. Citizens of Alabama County, Wyoming won’t want nosey, libtard neighbors griping about the odor from the outhouses, or the rabid pets chasing their children.

It will be a rural free-fire paradise where anything goes and, when it does, someone down the road will up the ante. That’s almost certainly what the Founding Fathers had in mind.

Living in Alabama County will be cheap. There’ll be no government, no schools, no streets nor expensive water systems. There’ll be no law enforcement, since there’ll be no laws. That means no taxes! 

The real estate brochures for a dirt-road nirvana like this almost write themselves. 

If a man wants to, he can manufacture his own fireworks, and his ol’ lady can set up her own pole-dancing studio. They can invite friends to the Annual Fourth of July Big Empty Titty Bar and Cheatgrass Fireworks Festival. 

There won’t be anyone in the county to stop them, and the wind will carry that fire over the county line pronto, so who needs a greedy fire department? 

Every backyard can have a shooting range. Since Alabama County is totally off-grid, there’s no electricity, and those washers and dryers make great targets. Since there’s no landfill, the easiest way to dispose of useless appliances is to shoot them full of holes.

A happy side benefit to this waste management policy is that a houseful of guns renders the need for a sheriff’s department or a police force moot. It’s a sovereign citizen’s dream! If you don’t believe me, read the Second Amendment. 

See what I’m getting at? If folks are sick and tired of government telling them what they can and can’t do, they should have a place where government doesn’t exist.

The Wyoming Legislature has the power to do just that, and it could well be the smartest thing they ever do. The legislature can set aside a few hundred-thousand acres in Wyoming for the malcontents, the knot-heads and the ungovernable. Let them fend for themselves on their own little piece of heaven. 

And, since there won’t be mail service, or phones or internet in Alabama County, those folks won’t be able to whine about what’s going on in Cheyenne.

Rod Miller can be reached at: RodsMillerWyo@yahoo.com